So you may know by now that one of my favourite go-to quotes is the one of ‘everything happens for a reason’. But, sometimes I find this almost impossible to live by. Sometimes things happen that I can see absolutely no reason for whatsoever.
It seems to me that bad things happen to good people. And the older I get the more this seems to be the case. There have been so many tragedies throughout history, with no explanation as to why they have happened.
Why should people have to live with nothing whilst others have more money and possessions than they could ever need? Why do some people have to go through life changing illnesses whilst others breeze through life taking no care of their bodies or minds and living an entire lifetime? Why do some children have to lose their parents, some parents have to lose their children and some people lose the love of their lives?
Surely, when we sit to think about it, none of it is fair.
It is not fair that just last week one of the kindest; most generous and caring women I have ever met lost her fight to cancer. It is not fair that last week I met a man whose daughter had been murdered. It is not fair that those people that have so much to give to the world are often hindered in some way, unable to become the person that they are destined to be.
But what it does show us is that it is important to appreciate all the positive aspects in our lives. It is easy to sit and wallow in self-pity; we are all guilty of this during our time on Earth. Rumination seems to occur more times than not. What is more difficult, on the other hand, is coming to terms with the fact that life goes on.
I personally feel that one of the most damaging views to hold is that ‘things could be worse’. Whilst I am sure that this is often the case, what we must remember is that it is more important to realise that it is ok to be upset. Feeling emotional about a particular event is the human way of coming to terms with it.
I have been told more times than I can remember that I must be thankful that I am still alive. That life has been good to me, and that I should not spoil this second chance. Anyone that has either had a brain injury or known someone that has had one will understand just how frustrating this is.
Yes, I have had to relearn how to walk and talk and be. Yes, I have made an incredible recovery. But encephalitis has played its toll. I am not the person I was before, and I will have to deal with that for the rest of my life. There is still no cure for my illness. It is still something I have to battle with everyday.
So, really, I suppose what I am saying is that life’s not fair.
Bad things happen to good people.
But, rather than wallowing in self pity and constantly asking ourselves why, I think we should realise that sometimes life deals us a rubbish hand. We need to understand that being happy all the time is not possible, and therefore spend the time that we do have, living life to the full; because we never know when one of those ‘everything happens for a reason’ scenarios is just around the corner.
My Broken Brain 
I just want to say thankyou. I have been dealing with encephalitis for 4 years. A month ago I found out my husband had been having an affair. I have obviously, among other things, blamed my illness. You have just enforced my feelings of I now have to pick myself up and start living again.
Hi Nicole, I am so sorry to hear that. I always blame my illness for everything, but then sometimes I suppose you just have to think that for one reason or another, it happened, and there is nothing we can do about it. Losing a partner seems to be a common occurrence in people with encephalitis which is very sad. I truly hope you are able to pick yourself up and start living life again! You deserve it!!
The other week at the audigologist when I was crying about my hearing loss the guy said, AND I QUOTE ‘it could be worse – you could be in a wheelchair’. WHAT THE FUCK!??! Honestly it is so unhelpful to minimise anyone’s suffering with the ‘it could be worse’ thing. Maybe it could be but that doesn’t whatever you, I, or anyone is going through is not totally fucking shit. Personally I don’t think everything happens ‘for a reason’ I think ‘shit happens’ and ‘life isn’t fair’ but you can chose to sink or swim. Maybe some of us are only treading water gut at least we’re trying and we’ll be damned if we allow ourselves to sink, no matter how hard it gets. xxxxxxxxx
Jenny you’re so right! I would have written s*** happens but don’t like to swear on the Internet…that is our most commonly used saying at home though!
I cannot believe he said that to you, some people just have no idea about life.
I think it’s important to know that it’s ok to be sad sometimes.
Being strong and positive all the time is tiring to say the least! Xxxx
Reblogged this on Nick Verron and commented:
Amen!!
. Hello,to you…
I so agree….And I so admire even more how people deal with the hand that they have been dealt, and show the rest of the world the strength it takes to rebuild their lives.. While others who have nothing to moan about complain all the time.
I came via Nick’s reblog.. and I send you my thoughts, and admire you… Keep Living life to the Max..
Sue
Sure, bad things happen to good people. But maybe that’s a massive compliment from life; maybe only good people can handle it?
I came to read via Nick Verron and wow! So glad to meet you, too! 🙂 I have had a very small taste (after a stroke) of what it takes,in time, energy, adjustment, to deal with new brain realities and the effort, patience and energy it takes to get from ‘here’ to where you wish to be, all while cheering yourself on, when others say ‘give up/never/just be happy with what ya got – ”
You’re oh-so-very-right – on so many levels and points – I guess I came away from my period of ‘bads’ (of which, the stroke was the final icing on a cake that had been being constructed over about 7 years – of this, that and the other – 🙂 – And all I know, is –
There is a way to encourage a person and point out the victories or achievements they HAVE made and focusing on the joy, while all the same, acknowledging, yes, it still sucks – or yes, I don’t know why either – or yes, you’re discouraged – you’ve been working so hard and still, got goals that sometimes seems unobtainable – OR okay, who’s butt I need to kick that’s standin’ in your way over some silly power play?
LOL – But most of all – I came away from 7 years of one staggering loss after another, by realizing – “Yup, my job to find the gifts in the experience and the survival, share what I’ve learned, but it’s also my job to remind others – “Life can be hard, all on it’s lonesome – just why are you making it hard for others on purpose, when you, too, have other options available to you?” – 🙂
And for those who seem to have sailed through and are devastated by a minutes delay in drive-thru, cuz that’s their big ‘life is hard’ moment – well – I actually feel sort of sorry for ’em – especially if they’re in their 30s or more – when life does come to slap ’em around a bit – they are going to most likely be knocked for a loop – cuz they don’t have much practice in the ring –
Then my only choice is to say, “well, now ya know – you want the same back you gave me? Or would you like to take a stab at looking at all the things to try till we find a way that works for you, that supports you in your quest for surviving this? 🙂
Or, I might just shrug and think, ‘good luck with that buddy – have fun….’, (i have a soft spot for service industry personnel who’ve done nothing wrong, but still have to sit and put up with such nonsense – lol – bet you can guess what I witnessed on our travel back home from a college campus tour today! 🙂
Your post was a really nice way for me to make sense of the whole observation of ‘life run amuck’ 🙂
I am going to reply to all your incredible comments once I get home from volunteering later on today. Let me just say one thing. Thank you. Thank you for ‘getting it’. Thank you for reaching out. Thank you for all your kind words.